I wonder if other people have the same thinking like me when they have so many things in their mind until they are sick and tired thinking about it. I wonder whether they sometimes really wanna give up at certain things. I wonder whether they just leave it as it is. I wonder whether they are looking at things positively even it hurt them. Even when someone they trust the most can do something that really hurt. Something that they know what are the consequences will happen next. I wonder if other people can just hurt somebody that are so close to them just because they don't want to loose someone. I wonder how come they can do that behind their trusted people. How do they live their life? I wonder whether they have the same feeling as me or they just don't care as long as they are happy. Even to the person that trust them the most. Until when they want to hide? Or they just want to wait until someone that trusted them the most lost their trust?
As for me, I am hurt. Badly. A friend told me that I have to learn how to forgive people. A friend told me it is the time for me to let it go. But I gave my forgiven to so many people until I don't know how to forgive myself. Until I didn't realize it is slowly eating me. I need time. I need time to heal myself. I don't know whether I can let it go this time, as I once let them go but they are not me. They are not feel the same feeling as I am. They are not in my shoes. They don't know how hurt it is. I wonder if they are in my shoes, what they are going to do. I wonder whether it will hurt them or not. I wonder.
It hurt me a lot until I want to give up. I need to clear my mind. I need my time. Maybe, after I come back..I will let it go..maybe.
As my previous post, we've been away from the hectic city life. Back to where we came from. As usual, it was our team outing and get together. Our office needed to close last Saturday as they are doing the renovation right in front our office so, we took the opportunity to leave early on Saturday. All of our team plus two additional invited people; Bryan and Seelia. My boss fetched me around 9.45am before we meet the other two colleagues of us then we headed straight to Sungai Lembing. The journey took us around 45 minutes from Kuantan town.
Initial plan was to stay at one of the resort there but unfortunately it was fully booked for that weekend. One of my colleague is originally from Sungai Lembing and she offered us to stay at her grandmother's house where now is her aunty's house. At first, we felt a bit reluctant but my boss asked us to try as he really wanted to do a homestay thingy. And it was a really good choice to stay there. We really feel like home. From the Sungai Lembing town, it took us just about 5 minutes drive to the house. We have to cross the river to get to the house.
river, bridge, hills, the house, our room
After put all our things, we took the bicycle and cycled around the village until to the famous hanging bridge.
the hanging bridge
After finished our round at the village, we back to the house and played the block game while waiting for the other two invited guess to come, Bryan & Seelia :)
concentrate people, concentrate!
Around 4pm, we started to prepare the mise-en-place for the dinner. And my boss was the head chef. Hahahaha and we had a lot of stuff. Menu for the dinner; BBQ chicken wings marinated by yours truly, pasta, grilled capsicums and potato, mashed potato, baked potato with cheese, two type of salads, sausages, kerang bakar, and grilled catfish.
all the stuff for diner
three different cheese platter from our hotel
preparation for dinner
it's unfair as Bryan got a helped from the auntie!!
As we finished everything quite early and as we wanted to start our bbq around 7pm, all of us walked to the river right in front of the house. It was my boss idea who really wants to go to the river. It was really good and as for it bring back the memories back then when I was young everytime I went back to my mum's kampung.
walking towards the river and saw a haunted house
look at that, the view was damn nice
everybody get into the water
rock it out guys!!
Saloon in the river??
We started our dinner around 7 something and it was a fun night. It was damn hilarious and a very good get together far away from the city.
BBQ for dinner
Chicken wings, pasta, pasta sause, mashed potato, garlic bread, sambal kicap for kerang & fish
After dinner
Another after dinner when still sober
as usual when Bryan holding the camera, and I became his victim
and I got proved that it was actually him who is so vain with the camera
high on cheese?? half sober
We slept around 4 something in the freaking morning after finished up the fire crackers. We were supposed to hike the hill for the sunrise but since we only slept at 4am and no energy at all, we skipped the hiking though. After clearing up all the mess and packed our things and we dropped at Sungai Lembing town for a famous tofu breakfast before headed back to where we are living now.
shopping??
Personally I think, this is the among the best outing we had. Even though we were far away from the city, and in the village and so laid back but we enjoyed every single moments of it. As I said before, sometimes we need to go back to where we came from to realize certain things a meant to be like that. And I feel rejevunated after came back from this outing. We shall do it again guys!! Next trip?? Penang? Cameron Highlands?
A quick little update. A bit tired but somehow very relaxing days away from the hectic life. Away from the city and back to where we came from. Will update all the details in the next entry. For now, I need to sleep as tomorrow will be the long day.
Yes people, if I didn't do the blood test..I might not know what is my blood group until now. I always curious to know what is my blood group but kind of lazy to check. When my doctor passed me the blood group card, I was so excited to see my blood group rather than listen to him talking about my blood test result. Hehehehe..
My blood group is....
My blood group card
It's A Positive (A+) people! Now I know my blood group. Went back home I called my sister to find out her blood group and she is under B group. I was like "ala, apasaltaksamani". And I was so confident and told her that my blood group for sure will be the same as my dad because knowing me, I am more like my father most of the things. Then I asked my dad about his blood group and happily told him that I am under A+. He quickly opened his bag that he kept all the important things, and showed me his latest medical check up book. I quickly opened the book to find his blood group, and I was so sad because his blood group is B. Same like my sister. Hurmm..told myself, it's ok. My blood must be the same with my mum. At least I have something similar to her. Hehehehehe, that's sound better.
Hurmm... A+?? I thought I might be under O ke. Didn't expect to be A+. Macam exam plak got A+..Good result rite???
I have a thing with books. I need to read them before I go to sleep. No matter how tired, I must read at least two or three pages. Due to nothing to do during most of the weekend, I ended up finished up most of my books.
I finished up all this over the past few weekends
I like the my quiet time with books and it doesn't matter whether at home or at my favourite joint of Starbucks. I only have three more books to finish up and I really need more books. The good thing about buying books is, we can get exemption for income tax. Hahahahahaha. I did my e-filing and exempted the maximum amount of the books that I bought.
The three books that not yet read
My current reading is "Cocktail For Three" by Madeleine Wickham. After that I'll move to my favourite author so far, Jean Sasson title "Love in Torn Land" before I start read "A Thousand Splendid Sun". Oh, then I don't have anymore books to read. Meaning that, I need to buy a book or two. Hurmmm, let's pay a visit to a bookstore.
I shouldn't have walked away I would've stayed if you said We could've made everything OK But we just Threw the blame back and forth We treated love like a sport The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground
I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall Shattered in pieces curled on the floor Super natural love conquers all 'Member we used to touch the sky And
Lightning don't strike The same place twice When you and I said goodbye I felt the angels cry True love's a gift We let it drift In a storm Every night I feel the angels cry
C'mon babe can't our love be revived Bring it back and we gon' make it right I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive As the angels cry I thought we'd be forever and always You were serenity You took away the bad days Didn't always treat you right But it was OK I do somethin' stupid And you still stay with me
But you can only go for so long Doing the one you claim to love wrong Before too much is enough You look up Find your love gone And
We were so good together How come we could not weather This storm and just do better Why did we say goodbye
'Cause lightning don't strike The same place twice When you and I said goodbye I felt the angels cry True love's a gift We let it drift In a storm Now every night I feel the angels cry C'mon babe can't our love be revived Bring it back and we gon' make it right I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive As the angels cry
Baby I'm missin' you Don't allow love to lose We gotta ride it through I'm reaching for you
Baby I'm missin' you Don't allow love to lose We gotta ride it through I'm reaching for you
Lightning don't strike The same place twice When you and I said goodbye I felt the angels cry True love's a gift But we let it slip In a storm Every night I feel the angels cry
Started my Sunday morning with an hour exercise at home with my new shoes. Ahaks. Initially I wanted to go for a jog but it was raining heavily this morning so I changed my exercise regime to dancing on the dancing mat through the PS2. I consider it as an exercise as it will make u sweat, I swear u will sweat a lot. I really mean a lot man and it was fun too.
After finished my 1 hour exercise, I rushed to get ready for a wedding function. It was one of my brother's close friend who got married. I went there with Nadia and dad and Jeffry went with his other friends. Mum was busy at home and she was so tired to go.
This is the vain picture while waiting for my brother
Came back from wedding and while the others were sleeping downstairs, I spring cleaned my room and re-arranged my wardrobe. While segregated the unnecessary things to throw away, I found unfamiliar envelope in one of my box. When I took out the envelope and opened it, I couldn't imagined that I found the old pictures. Some of the pictures are really old like 6, 7 years back and some of it are 4 years back.
Looking at it one by one make me realized, how time flies so fast. Really fast. It's been 4 years already and I didn't notice that. I was talking to myself, "what I'm doing? what is it for? what I did all this while? what I really need for life? why I'm still sad?" I don't have the answer for all my questions.
Unfinished with my so called spring clean, I put all the pictures back in the envelope, threw it in the black garbage bag, changed my clothes, wore my running shoes and drove to the park and jogged for 2 hours. Running with my tears to the unfinished line but at the end it is still hurt. Physically and mentally.
Remember my entry about I've been poked? I got my result! Actually I did a blood test for Thyroid because everyone seems make noise and asked me to check. Mum asked me to check because she is scared I might get one because she said my throat look different from a normal people. When I told my friends here, they tried to relate the Thyroid thingy with my behavior now where I tend to be more aggressive than before. They make me scared and nagged and forced me to do the blood test.
My blood test result is inside this file
When my doctor came last Thursday, and explained to me about my blood test, I was so happy and thank God my Thyroid test is normal. Nothing to worry about. And girls, nothing to do with the aggressiveness, so shut up ok hehehehehe!
I am normal!
Everything was fine but my doctor asked me to watch my cholesterol. Shit wey! He scares my cholesterol will go up and he is going to do a blood test again after 4 months. He wants my cholesterol to be at the lowest for my age. I have to watch my food intake and do more exercise and I promised him that he will satisfy with my cholesterol when he do the next blood test. Meaning that, I have 4 months to reduce it to the lowest.
And I also promised him that I will do my exercise and jogging religiously. To start with that, I need a new shoes! Comfortable shoes and specifically for running shoes as I don't have a specific shoes for that. Hehehehe. Lame excuse I know!
And I dragged Nadia to accompany me to find the new shoes on last night And I bought it! Hehehehe..
My new running shoes people!
Ok, got a new shoes already. Now, I need to start my jogging! Doctor K, I keep my promised!
I have something in my mind right now that keep on going and killing me. I don't know how to put into words. Until I managed to find the right way to put in..I will do it. Till then!
My mum make noised and questioned me. My friends around here make noised too. And after they convinced me, and convincing myself no harm to do a medical check up more to do a blood test, I called my doctor about my appointment yesterday. I had a blood test yesterday. The funny thing was, while the doctor trying to find my vein, I've told him that my vein is so small. I've got the same problem before. I even told my doctor to take his time to find the right vein and don't simply poke. Hahahahahaha because I know it will be swollen and blueblack later on. After about 15 minutes to find the right vein, he found it but due to my vein is so small, he couldn't take the for the full 2 tubes of blood.
Look at my hand
Close up
And after 5 hours, this is what happened to my hand...
Told you doc, its blueblack already
And it is so big, like being punched or abused
Will get the result next week. Hope everything will be ok!
Today is my boss birthday! Yes, he is officially 50 years old today. We celebrated his 50th birthday last night, at 12 midnight sharp at his favourite joint with his close people. It was a fun night yet emotional also. He said a few things that made me felt so touched. Not much pictures from my camera, the cake cutting pictures in Bryan's camera and yet to be passed to us.
As usual, Bryan with his so called 'pro' of taking his own picture
With additional people
All of us
And after awhile, this is what happened to Bryan...
Sleeping like a baby, like nobody business
To my dear boss, Happy 50th Birthday! Hope you have a good health, more happiness and live your life to fullest. I am glad to have you as my boss, my mentor, and coach.
+Family and friends are the most important people+ Weekends are meant for relaxing, whether it's grabbing a drink or going out dancing+ love shopping and travelling+ forgive but never forget+
