I wish...

Berhenti Berharap...

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku
aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kusalutkan.. kemenanganmu

kau ajarkan aku bahagia
kau ajarkan aku derita
kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
kau tunjukkan aku derita
kau berikan aku bahagia
kau berikan aku derita

The Day I'm Losing My Mind

I can't focus. Too many things in my head. Too many things to think about. I can't do my work. I just keep on losing my focus especially today. I can't do my work at all. I don't know what I am doing. I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm not supposed to feel like this, and I'm not supposed to loss my focus.
I hate myself to be like this. I hate myself for allowing him entered my life again. I hate myself for not just keep my distance. I hate myself for everything. I kept telling myself that everything will be fine, everything will be ok. But, actually it is not. It is not fine with it. It is not ok..

I woke up today
Woke up wide awake
In an empty bed
Staring at an empty room
I have myself to blame
For the state I'm in today
And now dying
Doesn't seem so cruel
I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause everytime I think of her with you
It's killing me
Inside, and
Now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness
Of living without you
I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

I hate myself for losing you
I don't know what to do
I wish you knew
I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
What do you say when everything's said?
Is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every tear you shed
Won't ever bring him back again?
I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you that ended up I'm losing you. Sigh. Oh God, please help me!

My First Indian Wedding

Last Saturday, I went for my first Indian wedding. The ceremony took place in Ampang. It was Suren's wedding.

Sri Raja Rajeswari Temple, Ampang

Top: Groom's car, Mazda 6 la wei...
Bottom: Groom

It was supposed to start at 11.01 am, but the groom & bride arrived late and the ceremony start around 12 something.

The steps during the ceremony

And the finally husband and wife...

Mr & Mrs Surendra

During dinner at Nilai Convention Centre

Congratulations Suren & Premilla.

The Weekend That I Had Fun, But...

I'm still feel tired from my weekend trip to KL. My weekend was full of activities. Lets recap what was going on during the weekend.

Friday, March 20th
They (Bern, Bhav, Charles and family) fetched me at my house around 8.30am. We stopped for breakfast and heading to KL around 10.00 am. Stopped by in the R&R for our oxygen for a few times and reached KL around 1 something. We drove straight to KL Sentral to fetch MJ who are currently in KL for a short holiday before heading back to Nepal. We checked in at KL Plaza and took our time before went for lunch. I had a quick lunch as I need to go to PJ for HP Warehouse Sales with Audrey.

From our apartment captured by Bern

In only one hour, I managed to get my new laptop and lepaking in Starbucks for a coffee before headed back to Audrey's house to meet her family. Audrey drove to Bangsar to meet my other sister, Anes and their friend, Put for Audrey's belated birthday celebration at La Bodega. Though it will be a quick dinner but we ended up there until almost 1.00 am. They sent me to KL Plaza and meet with the others (MJ, Bhav, Bern, Muru) at Pavillion. We reached our apartment around 2 am. And I managed to do my nails and hair before slept off at 3.30 am. Sigh. What a long day.

Saturday, March 21st

Woke up around 7.30 am and get ready for Suren's wedding ceremony. We were actually a bit late and arrived there almost 11.00 am.

The reason why we were late. Photo session, hahahaha

Lucky the groom and bride were late too. So we had another photo session outside. Hehehehe

Bhav & Wilis while waiting for the groom

The wedding finished around 1.30 pm. We sent MJ to KL Sentral as she needs to catch her flight to Singapore that evening. Went back and thought of getting a rest before going for the wedding dinner but I ended up meeting Audrey and had our coffee at Coffee Bean, KL Plaza. Went up to the apartment and get ready for the dinner.

Another vain moments before left for the dinner in Nilai

We left KL around 6.00 pm and stucked in the traffic for almost 45 minutes and reached Nilai Convention Centre 7.30 pm. And we were lucky again cause the groom and bride were late again. Hahahahaha..

Dinner not yet started, but we finished all our drinks and took pictures while waiting for them. A series that captured by Charles Forbes

Went back to KL and reached there around 12.30 am. Bern's car broke down right in front of JW Marriott. Hahahaha. But managed to get it started after one hour plus with the helped from Ed and Audrey. Aud, Ed and me went for our drink to Bangsar until 4.00 am. Giler!

Sunday, March 22nd

We checked out at 12 something and had our lunch at Bukit Bintang and drove back to Kuantan.

Before check out while waiting for others to get ready.

Bukit Bintang for our lunch

In between, drop by at Batu Caves for our photo session again. Damn tired wei.

Me in action of a psycho

I was poyo, I know hahahaha

Monday, March 23rd

I'm still on leave and thought of to get rest before come back to work on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I didn't get a rest at all. Sigh. Woke up and sent my mum's microwave for repair. By the time I finished in LG, Ed already reached Kuantan and settled his work. We met up and lepak and fetched Fadly and drop by to get his niece's mobile phone. As the three of us damn hungry, we had our late lunch. And by the time we finished, it was almost 7 something. I went back home as they need to go back to KL and later at night I went out with Aiman until 11.45 pm. Giler tak giler la kan. Slept off around 2.30 am.

Damn tired weii!! I didn't get a rest at all. Sign. And I came back to office this morning with a tired and weak body. All I know, I want to go back and sleep. But again, I didn't. We (Bhav, Joanne, Caroline, me) went to Starbucks for our coffee session after work. And I continued with Fadly and finally reached home at 10 something. Sigh. What a long weekend but didn't get any rest at all. But, at least I had so much fun.

Till then..

Mixed Feeling

I don't know how to start this. I really don't know what my feeling right now. But everything over now. Life must go on. I'm praying for their happiness and I really hope everything will be ok for both of them. My prayer goes to them.

So Many Things

A lot of things to talk about. I'm back to my normal life. Will update soon. Sigh....

Sexcited Day While She Was Around

My bestfriend, Audrey was in town last Friday for her so kelakar, not worth it roadshow. I was planning to finish work early on the day she arrived but I was still late. Fetched her from her cap ayam hotel, and brought her back to my house. We went out dinner and brought her to Hyatt for dinner. We dropped by at Suren's old house to pass something and finally she managed to meet with two of my close friends in Kuantan.

We had our dinner, then I surprised her with one slice of cake.

Her belated birthday celebration with 1 piece of Macadamia Cream Cake

We finished our dinner around 11.30 pm and straight to Hyatt's Fun Pub while waiting for Fadly to come and hang out together. Didn't go anywhere, just hang out there until 2 something.

After dinner session with Aud n Fadly

We went back and slept at 4 in the morning and we need to work the next day. Sigh. It was always like that. Meeting with her will end up we use all our energy and we will be damn tired the next day. Hahahaha. All in all, we had so much fun.

Looking forward for our next hang out together, this weekend. Huhuhuh

Errrrr, Biar Betul??!!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Hahaha, Seriously?!! What do you think?

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

FRIENDSHIP

Friends. I have a lot of friends but I have very limited close friends. My close friends are basically among our own circle. And these close friends of mine, I name our relation as "Friendship". I treasure my friendship. I'll do anything to protect our friendship even though sometimes it will hurt my feeling. But that's friendship all about. You are there for each other, for ups and downs, for the happy and sad moments, you share and help each other. I don't know about others, but that's friendship to me.

And the most important thing for me in friendship is that you know where you stand. If you know that you're very close to each others especially to a very particular person, you shouldn't hide anything or lie. Why you have to hide anything or even lie to your close friend? If you have any problem, at least you have somebody to talk to. And you are actually very comfortable with this close friend. If all this while you can tell anything, share everything, I really mean every single thing, why bother or why you still have a doubt to share with her/him? Just because you think that it will hurt her/his feeling, even that is actually not a big issue?

Good friend will tell no matter what, whether it will hurt your feeling or not but you must know how to put everything in every sentences. And I'm really sure they will understand. Good friend will tell the good or bad things, but it depends on how they take it. Whether he/she wants to take it positively or negatively.

But at the end of the day, it is your choice whether:

a) You tell her/him the truth even though you know that you will hurt her/his feeling but she/he
will feel important;
or

b) You don't tell her/him but end up she/he finds out from other people and be more upset and
hurt because you hide it from them, not because of the issue.

If you think carefully, what friends are for right. I depend on my friends a lot. I mean, in terms of share the stories, problems, and etc. At least I know I have somebody out there that willing to listen all my craps and give opinion and advice. I feel better after that, I feel that somebody out there still cares about me. And I know I have my bestfriends who are there for me for my ups and downs. That is why I'm really pissed off if one of my close friends don't want to share her/his problem with me and later on I found out from other people. Why you need to keep and hide it from me if you know where you stand in my life?? Do you have a doubt in our friendship, that is why you try not to tell me and I'm acting like an idiot that know nothing.

I mean after all the things that we've been through, after all the things we got into, I know that are some things that you ain't told me, I know that are some things that you hide from me. I can be so evil, I can be a bitch, and I'm also can be so heartless. Yes, heartless.

Anyway, at the end of the day, it is your call. It is my call also.

The Day I'm So Sexcited!!!

Somebody will come here today. Wohooo!!! Can't wait and I'm so sexcited for our time.

I'm More Interesting Than You!!

Do you really thinks that my life is so interesting until some peoples are so eager to talk about me?? Or do they really thinks that my life is more interesting than their dull and meaningless life?? Can they just stop talking about other peoples and just bother about their family and life??? Why bothered about me? About my life? What I'm doing and stuff. I hate this kind of peoples. I really hate it! Can they just give me one damn f*king day to do whatever I want to do. Full stop and enough said!

Today Is Her Birthday!!!

I still remember the first time I met her way back in 2004. They (she and Anes) just arrived from KL. We introduced ourselves and in my heart, "owh, this one la my new housemate and Anes's sister". Being me, I was very quiet when first time we meet each other. I didn't talk much until I feel comfortable with people.
But after a while, we became closer to each other. Up until now, we did all the things together. We went to holiday and spent quality times together.

Our holiday in Bali

We shared almost everything that the normal friend would share. We've gone through a lot. I really mean a lot. Ups and downs. She's my shoulder to cry on and listen to all my craps. She even dragged me out of her room back in Melaka when I really in my down moment and refused to meet other peoples. We ended up in Mc'Donalds at 3 in the morning.

Mc'D at 3am

She will layan my perangai especially during my retail therapy thing cause she knows that, I'll get better when I did my retail therapy.

Even before the shopping, I already smiled and she was smiling too

Sometimes, we don't need other peoples to entertain us, we just need each other to laugh, to talk, and do silly things.


We updated each other every single day. People said that we are crazy, but that's what we did. We called, smsed, and chatted through YM every day,



anywhere, as long as we have the chance.

Even during friend's birthday party

We seems like we can't get enough of each other. We don't give a damn what peoples say about us, as long as we know each other damn well than other peoples.


As today is her special day where for the first time I can't celebrate with her (she's gone for her so kelakar, not worth it road show in Penang), I make this entry for her.

Babe, no matter what happened or going to happen in your life, just remember that you always have me beside you. May this year will bring joy and happiness in your life and I hope that many more miracles will come along the way. Enjoy your life as I am so glad to have you as my bestfriend.

Happy Birthday Babe a.k.a Audrey Lee Choi Hoong!

She's my best friend!!!

Thinking of You

Can't get enough of this song by Katy Perry. Damn, I can't stop whistling this song.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...